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Why do I push people away when it's what I most want?

Writer's picture: Christian SnufferChristian Snuffer

The Sensational Experience of Having a Body (Part 3)


Previously, in Part 2 of this newsletter series, we talked about our window of

tolerance and how we can attune to our nervous states.


As mentioned, many of us run hot (hyper) or cold (hypo) and have specific nervous

system reactions to certain events.


These events are usually tied to our past and influenced by our conditioning.


This is the foundational level of nervous system reaction. Once we start to master

internal attunement, we get to expand our awareness and attune to larger

experiences of sensation and meaning.


BUT to be consistent, we must make sure our everyday regulation is dialed in.


Imagine having a filtration system that takes regular flushing and maintenance. If

you don't clear it out, then it builds up, and you aren't able to pull water through the

filter.


This is how I like to think of our nervous system, except it's not water; it's toxic

energy that gets caught in our filter (the body).


We owe it to ourselves to continually detox, dump energy, and clear the vessel so

that we can attune to the larger world.


Let's outline this with a relational example.


Imagine that you continually feel uncomfortable as you get close to people. Intimacy

and closeness feel quite threatening to your system, even when it is the thing you

want most.


The baseline foundation of nervous system recognition would be to notice that this is

happening and make an effort to cope with hyper or hypo-aroused states as they

come up. In this example, we are already there.


Beyond that, we have TONS of opportunities to expand our awareness and to drop

deeper into this experience.


So we get to start attuning to things like,


1. What about this makes me feel uncomfortable?


2. When I get close to a person, where is the threshold where I begin to push them

away?


3. What sensations do I feel when I am around this person? When have I felt that in

the past?


4. Who am I with, and very close to, that doesn't make me feel these sensations?

What is the difference?


5. Can I cope with these sensations when I am with this person? What happens

when I get overwhelmed?


These questions are examples of a deeper, more nuanced exploration of your

nervous system and sensational experience and will yield profound realizations if

taken seriously.


Now, our relationship becomes an opportunity to explore deeper parts of ourselves

and become an internal pursuit for meaning. We get to learn and explore, and we

follow the sensations to do so.


I made a YouTube video this week talking about the intersection of mindfulness and

psychedelic medicine. It has some concepts in there that build on the content

discussed here over the last couple of weeks!


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