I’ve been re-examining my relationship with substances over the past couple of years, but I’ve approached it much more intentionally in the last 6–8 months.
Caffeine has recently come into focus, and I’ve been paying close attention to how it affects my body.
For years, I’ve dealt with varying levels of caffeine dependence. A couple of months ago, I decided to quit coffee—and I’ve stuck to it. I’ve gone from being a daily drinker to having a cup maybe once every few weeks.
Every time I drink caffeine now, I feel terrible. I get shaky, and it feels like a massive hand is squeezing my spine and insides. There’s this deep sense of constriction and discomfort, and I hate it.
What really blows my mind is that my body and nervous system respond this way every single time. But when I used to drink caffeine daily, I was so desensitized to it that I didn’t even notice.
Now I see how caffeine ramps up my nervous system, creating hyperarousal—and I wasn’t aware of it at a conscious level. That constant ramping up caused discomfort, which led me to disconnect from my body. This disconnection created a sense of disembodiment, limiting my ability to give and receive love.
Since cutting out caffeine, my life has genuinely improved.
This is what I mean when I talk about connecting with your body and understanding what’s limiting your ability to give and receive love. These things matter.
Pay attention.
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